Outshining the Bigots



"Do not feed the trolls" @amodmilitarymum
Downs Side Up has reached another learning curve.  
That of the Sociopathic Bigot/Troll's anonymous online comment warfare in relation to an article published by a 'parenting' website in the UK.

We knew there would be critics, but I guess I wasn't prepared for calls for my daughter to be locked away from society, labelled an immeasurable drain on resources, or referred to as someone who should have been aborted 'post-birth'. 

I did not read these comments myself.  I caught the first snippets, quickly got the gist and logged out, afraid of what I might read.  Little bro scanned later and fed back his findings.  

I blah on... the point is that it would have been easy to hit a wall today.  Chuck in the towel, go back to cosy easy-dom.  Not sit blogging til 1am most nights, struggling to learn the rules of Twitter, interacting with other parents on Facebook.  
But what about all the other people this man has upset?  What about all the incredible positive things that people have said to us, the inspirational people we have met along the way?  The attitudes we have changed, the support we have given? WE can't give in to that.

The only way I can describe my thought processes now, is through the words of my dear friend and Doula at my girls' births, Katinka.  She wrote to me tonight:

"You don't need to engage with anything that's not for the greater good and within the energy of love that you are walking this journey... (Ignore this plonker I think she means!)...There are 'small-minded' people everywhere, and when you shine, sometimes you attract shadow. (He was quite some shadow!)  
But you have a choice as to how you let it affect you.  Do you focus on the lives you are changing for the better, the eyes you are opening to the beauty of the 'beyond the immediately apparent' or are you going to give your mind/energy/focus/attention to the shadow and let it suck you in? 
Will you shine even brighter, letting the shadow illuminate your own dark places stronger?  The Hayley I know does the later, brave, fantastic, amazing, vulnerable woman... (her words, not mine ;) )

So do not allow yourself the luxury of dwelling in self doubt, we must all be strong in the belief of our radiance once we start shining...there is no way back...and you are shining!  Brightness attracts more light and focusses the shadow into expression...that's just science.  (Brighter we will become then!)

Keep doing what you are doing darling, it is making waves, which is always a good thing."

Another dear friend Rachel pointed out this morning that "attitudes of bigots may never be changed. What you can change is all the underlying and hidden negativity that many people have.  I am certain that many people have seen Natty's picture and read your story and realised that they had preconceived ideas of what children with Down's Syndrome were like, and now start to see that all children are children, and that children with Down's Syndrome are as varied and talented as children without.

Changing those small misconceptions is massively important.  You are changing attitudes.  You are making a difference."

We will march on with our mission to change attitudes towards Down's Syndrome, we will smile and feel the love from all those we join arms with along the way.  

And this is the last thought we give to the bigots..... We are duty bound to carry on with the mission that has chosen us.








16 comments:

  1. Lovely way to handle it!

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    1. Thank you. Took a while, but got there in the end x

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  2. Hi, I'm glad you didn't let this man get to you. It never ceases to amaze me how ignorant, small minded and down right stupid some people are.

    I personally have encountered people like that all my life. (I have four brothers all with different special needs; autism, aspergers, global learning difficulties.)None with downs syndrome though.

    Keep powering though. Your friend and doula sounds very wise.

    x

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    1. Thank you for your support. I found this all rather frightening actually, but we have to stick together and plough on don't we... x

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  3. I am shocked by this, what a disgusting absolutely incorrect thing to say! I follow your blog and I watched your video with the dinosaur the other day-your daughter is as much a beautiful and happy child as any other. She is NOT any of those things that person said. Ignore the haters, there will always be some out there. I guess we should pity them because of how warped their opinions are they clearly haven't even got half a brain x

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    1. Thank you. I am trying to pity this person. after all, you can't be happy within yourself and have that much hate.
      Pleased you have enjoyed the Triceratops video :)

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  4. Hi Hayley, Jeanette and Tony here, this is the 2nd time we have wrote this as we don't know where the 1st one went lol cyberspace I think. NEVER let people like that upset you, they need our pity, because that type of people usually come from miserable backgrounds and the only way they can feel better about themselves is to put others down. you have two beautiful little girls who we are all sooooooo proud of and comments like that are best ignored love to you all speak to you very soon aunty Jeanette and uncle Tony xxxx

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  5. Look for the positives, work on the positives and everyone, especially the person concerned, will develop. Ignore the positives, concentrate on the negatives and potential will be wasted. No-one should be considered to be of no value.

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    1. We shall continue to shine in the face of shadows x

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  6. Hi, I'm a Mother of two great girls, a Grandmother & also work fulltime in Child Care, so naturally always interested in stories about children, which is why I clicked on the link about your daughter.
    I thought at first it was a photo of Madeleine McCann, I'm guessing you get told that a lot :)
    What an utterly adorable little face! & I'm not in the least surprised she was spotted by the photographer for modelling! Natalie is gorgeous!
    Well done to you & your family, you are obviously doing a wonderful job
    Love from Australia
    Shishi xo

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    1. Thank you. I just want everyone to see that DS is beautiful and not to be feared. (No-one has said she looks like Maddy before but I see what you mean.)

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  7. I always think of Aesops Fable - The North Wind and the Sun. Keep shining and don't be distracted by the black smoke. Remember you fight fire with water not fire. Take the oxygen away and don't fan the flames. Big love, xxx

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    1. That's such a lovely way of thinking of it all. Thank you. You were a real inspiration to me.
      Nice to chat in the BritMums lunch queue too!

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  8. I really try not to be judgmental when I "meet" folks online! We have to keep in mind that a blog or a facebook page is really a tiny window into that persons life. Not all aspects of that families struggles can be seen from such a tiny window...and to be honest most folks don't open that window in order to be attacked. They open the window to the world to seek and share knowledge, support, acceptance, love even...I do my best not to throw rocks at those tiny windows.

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    1. Thankfully most people think like you, and in fact the tiny proportion of vile comments we have experienced were on newspaper websites following articles featuring Natty, so not directed towards the blog. That at least made it easier to ignore.
      Thank you x

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  9. Shine On Sweetheart. - Ms

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