The Significance of the Birthday Party Invite


The Party Invitation

Children's birthday parties...

"Noise.  Other people's kids.  Sky high little ones on a sugar-fuelled trajectory headed for mahem and destruction.  A couple of hours eaten into your precious family weekend.  Small talk with other parents you barely know.  All those scary germs lurking in the ball pit that are bound to make your child ill.  The stress of hoping your child behaves better than the worst of them."

That may be what some people think when their children are invited to a classmate's birthday party.  Certainly when they are before the age of the 'drop and pick up later' phase.

Here's our story...

Last week, when I dropped Natty at school, her friend Bella bounced up to me, beaming from ear to ear and proudly holding a large pink envelope aloft.  On the front, it simply said 'Natty', written in her own 5 year old hand.  Natty and I took the envelope and I asked what it was. Bella replied, "It's a birthday invitation."  From what I recall, there was much whooping and hugging all round.

You see, Natty attends mainstream school. And Bella is a gorgeous, bright, funny, confident, 'typically developing' girl in her class.

Immediately the birthday invite became a symbol to me.

Today we attended the party, and what a fabulous party it was. There were games and a disco and a soft play bit and a buffet Nigella would be proud of, tears, tantrums, party bags and even a glass of bubbles for the mums! 

But this is not the overriding, enduring image of the day for me.

I am sitting here with an picture in my head of Natty right at the front, joining in the game of musical statues.  Of her climbing through the soft play area without me on her tail.  Of her going up to the buffet with a plate in one hand and her friend Fin holding the other (he also happens not to have Down's Syndrome).  Of her saying thank you to the parents of her host before she left.

What I saw today was a little girl who was not completely identical to her peers, perhaps because of her speech, perhaps because she is head and shoulders shorter than them, but a little girl who took part in all the same activities and felt part of the group.  Not for one minute did I observe an outsider.  Not for one minute did I see her stand apart. And not for one minute did I see her classmates treat her with anything but love and respect.

I did observe that other little 5 year olds instinctively understand that she needs a little more time, or help, or translation.  But to them, this was just part of the party, part of daily life with Natty in their midst.

And suddenly I realised at once, that the full power of inclusion is a 2-way thing.  It's not just about our kids with special needs being accepted.  It's about a new generation growing up with others who are 'different' alongside them, learning acceptance.  It about all of us looking out for each other.  Our children give back something too. Every time someone cried today, Natty's radar was activated and she was by their side in seconds, comforting.  And they welcomed, wanted that comfort.

So, for me that party invite was a symbol of true inclusion.  I hope they never stop coming...


Read about how Natty celebrated her own 6th birthday with a party here in Natty's 6th Birthday.


Watch Natty's Mum tell friends and family what to say when a baby is born with a disability, here: 

23 comments:

  1. A true account of what it feels like to be part of the gang. Go Nattie.

    ReplyDelete
  2. A true account of how life is inspirational and full of surprises. Natty is unconditional with her caring attitude towards others. I wish we could all be unconditional with ours.

    ReplyDelete
  3. Lovely... just keep doing what you're doing

    ReplyDelete
  4. my daughter is 11 now and still gets invites - so that's just the first of many - she too attends mainstream school and I was so relieved to get her first party invite and felt she was truly included then and to my relief still is :-D

    ReplyDelete
  5. Celebrating neurodiversity here as well. And really, I have flipped that switch in my head where this kind of a situation is a given, not something special. Now I just have to flip everyone else's switches as well. Let's keep on working on moving so far beyond Inclusion and acceptance that they became the new R-words!
    I'm in!

    ReplyDelete
  6. When I was 10 a new girl started at school, she was the younger sister of a friend of mine. Her parents had fought and fought to get her into mainstream primary school, no easy feat in early 1980's Tasmania.

    She had down's syndrome. I overheard the school principle (and I apologise here) refer to her as "the mongol girl". I marched up to him and said (to his belt, he was very tall " Emma has down's syndrome, mongol is deeply offensive, do not use it again!" And he never did!

    We wrapped this child up in love and she had a lovely time at primary school, included in everything. She did have additional needs and ended up at a special school.

    Some 6 years later I was at that school playing violin for a music lesson for the kids, and she came up and sat on my knee and played triangle with me! I have never forgotten her.

    Inclusion is a powerful force for good, and it saddens me that you are still feeling this so much, this was all 30 years ago, and we should have moved on. Keep going!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Wow, Kylie this is so powerful it brought tears to my eyes. How amazing you were as a child to know better and stand up to this man. Yes, inclusion is truly a 2 way thing. I so wish I had known someone like Natty 30 years ago x

      Delete
  7. Thank you for your talk today to a group of SENCos on a training day. You were truly inspirational and Natty is gorgeous! You really made us aware of what it is like to be a parent of a child with special needs and just how invaluable parents views and opinions are. Thank you :)

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Thank you all for inviting me and taking the time to listen. I'm glad you liked it, that was my first stint at public speaking. A little nerve wracking but worth it.

      Delete
  8. Beautiful. I have happy tears running down my cheeks

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Thank you. So did I watching them all playing in harmony x

      Delete
  9. I almost feel you are voicing my thoughts Hayley. My daughter who is nearly 4 attends a mainstream nursery and has been a recipient of regular invites- I was very anxious at the first 'do' as I wasn't quite sure what to expect....but from the minute we entered the venue to the minute we left, my daughter seemed blissfully unaware of me (except to point out her "best friends"-almost all of them!- to me). It was an eyeopener to see how popular she was, and how all her friends seemed to instinctively know how to interact with her, it was really overwhelming.

    ReplyDelete
  10. We'd have world peace by now if we let kids sort it out!

    ReplyDelete
  11. Beautiful! I am continually amazed at the kids that have grown up with The Boy. This could be a powerful generation!

    ReplyDelete
  12. So cool! I have found the same with my 10-year-old Teresa, who has Down syndrome. Kids love kids, no matter what their differences.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. That is heartening to hear. I worry the invites will stop coming one day.

      Delete
  13. I'm so encouraged to hear stories like yours, especially one so well written! Thank you for sharing. My son will be 26 next month and although I fought hard to have him "included," sadly he never received an invite of any kind. A friend and I decided to be his dates to Sr. Prom just so he wouldn't miss out on such an important event. I hope stories like yours become the norm rather than the exception....unfortunately I know there are too many more like mine.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I am sorry, and yet how wondefrul that you did everything to ensure that your son enjoyed all the same events. I hope and pray that slowly attitudes are changing for the better. I certainly missed out on having friends with different needs when I was at school. This generation are teaching me so very much.

      Delete
  14. What an amazing post! So many of your posts really touch me! You have such a special little lady there x

    ReplyDelete

Thank you for joining in the conversation at Downs Side Up