I'm going to Britmums Live. Come and say Hi

This sounds ridiculous, but attending Britmums Live last year was one of the high points of my entire life.

I was terrified about going, a country girl from Cornwall who is happier in wellies and playing with my chickens. I'm uncertain in London, a fish out of water. I knew no-one other than a couple of chats online with Kateonthinice and RenataBPlus3.

I had been asked in advance if I would read at the keynote speeches (on a stage in front of lots of accomplished writers!) YIKES!

I was also shortlisted in the Inspire category of the BiBs. Again a very scary and proud moment.

Well, in a nutshell I arrived, terrified and shaky, the butterflies met me and put me at my ease. I wandered around looking for those I might know, staring at stands and feeling overwhelmed, looking at a timetable of workshops that I couldn't decide between because I needed them all. 

This feeling didn't last long, everyone was so supportive and friendly, and once the naked wine buffs came out in the evening, I had found Kate and Renata to share a giggly glass of Prosecco and the awards ceremony with. So many of those I had voted for won, the mood was electric.

A small group of us went for a lovely dinner afterwards and then the all important full night's sleep in a hotel by myself :)

The next day was one of serious note-taking. I felt like a student who wanted to gain every last drop of knowledge from the speakers. But the nerves about reading at the keynote were mounting. I recall several chats with lovely people who told me I'd be fine. Darling HerMelnessSpeaks being one of them and I will never forget how her confidence in me made me feel.

Well, it came to the speech. It was emotional. I shook so hard I thought I was going to faint. I cried. People brought me tissues. People cried. I stopped, caught my breath, repeated my message. Then there was a standing ovation. I just saw it start in front of my eyes, which have tears in them remembering the moment. I have never felt so surprised or proud in my whole life. I didn't even know I had in in me to get on that stage. DoingItAllForAlenya helped me walk back to my chair and held me tight until I stopped shaking and crying.

In short, leaving my children for the first time with my ever so capable husband and doing something completely for me since the birth of my children, not just a relxing treat but something that made my brain shake alive was a turning point for me. I can trully say tha Brimums changed my life forever and I will never look back. Read Thank You For Having Me which I wrote in the post Britmums Live glow, when they gave me a Blogger of the Week award.

Well this year the wonderful ladies at Britmums have asked me to speak, or at least be on a panel during an actual workshop. I'm not sure if I feel a bit of a fraud, but I hope you will enjoy joining us.

And my humble blogette has been shortlisted in 3 BiBs categories this year: Inspire, Commentary and Outstanding. 

And oh goodness, I am just as nervous this year as I was last year...

This is me:

Name: Hayley Goleniowska

Blog: Downs Side Up

Twitter ID: @DownsSideUp

Height: Petite

Hair: 75% grey and costing increasingly more to keep a natural 'mouse' colour ;)

Eyes: Grey/blue, often red and tired!

Is this your first blogging conference?

Last year I was an utter novice, so this is my second.

Are you attending both days?

Absobloominlutely! I live in Cornwall so I have to make it worth the trip. 

What are you most looking forward to at BritMums Live 2013?

2 full nights' sleep! 

Meeting the bloggers that have become close friends online. Meeting new and inspiring bloggers that I hope will become life-long friends. The sense of support from all at Britmums is tanglible.

Actually taking part in one of the panel discussions alongside some incredible bloggers who are my gurus.

What are you wearing?

Comfy yet trendy for the day and killer heels for the party. Really not quite sure exactly what yet though. I'll just be myself.

What do you hope to gain from BritMums Live 2013?

To gently change a few more perceptions of Down's Syndrome from within hearts.

I really need to learn how to be a bit more techy. I am such an accidental blogger.

I also want to publish a book shortly, so need to make contacts for that.

Tell us one thing about you that not everyone knows

I was the voice of the Cheats Mistress on a Games Walkthrough Guides and Cheats hotline. My Lara Croft-esque avatar had a leather mini dress on (perhaps I should wear it to Britmums!)

Downs Side Up Uncovered - the Shoot

After Kate @kateonthinice who writes the Naked Mum blog persuaded me to join her one naked mum a month drive to celebrate our mummy bodies, I decided to tie it in with World Down Syndrome Day on 21st March, the theme being LOTS OF SOCKS or different socks as we are calling it in our house, for everyone is different.

While I was at it I thought I might as well raise funds as well as awareness, so I am collecting monies for the vital work of Down Syndrome International, the Down's Syndrome Association and the Cornwall Downs Syndrome Support Group.

And so the wheels were set in motion. These things are always organic, I never have an end plan, I just follow my nose. 

The wife of a former employer is a supremely talented and professional photographer Maryna Halton of Photograph by Maryna, who happens to specialise in boudoir photography. Although not the natural Mummy look we were trying to achieve, she was used to snapping naked bodies, putting semi clad women at ease and had 'seen it all before' so to speak. She very kindly offered her skills for free. 

So too did her partner Julie Wieczorek of Angel Face, expert mineral make-up artists on Miss World.

Julie applies make-up to a trembling Hayley

A local film maker also offered his services, and Geoff's video clip of the preparations and why I did it is at the bottom of this page.

Suddenly there was a team involved in Downs Side Up Uncovered. The sponsorship started rolling in and there was no going back. Gulp

As the day dawned and the props had been gathered, the nerves increased. I'd made my reasons for doing the shoot clear in Downs Side Up Uncovered, showing the bodies of mums of children with disabilities are like any other, that I lay my feelings bare in the blog, that I am not just a campaigner and Mum but a woman and wife as well.

The day began, the nerves soon abated, but I was astonished at how emotional I found moments of the day. Tears welled in my eyes. What I hadn't foreseen were the stories of those helping out, the reasons behind why they wanted to help.

I hadn't twigged either, that the last time I had been naked in front of near strangers was at the birth of darling Natalia. My body was remembering. I thought too about the families we support and what the day was all about and the tears pricked more, a kind of pride too I guess.

Then of course there are the emotions associated with getting older. The last time I took a really good look at myself naked was probably about 10 years ago and I didn't have to suck my tummy in then. Now, at 43 years one has to work a bit harder to look effortlessly natural, or maybe it just doesn't matter as much what you look like. Priorities have shifted significantly.

Hayley clings to her trusty dressing gown

And so, we did it. We spent 5 hours, doing different poses and locations. We all felt washed out at the end, nervous to get it right, not offend anyone, to produce artistic, tasteful images that portray the real woman. I haven't seen the pictures yet, Maryna is looking through them now. We'll choose the best and  send one over to Kate for her blog next month. Perhaps we'll reveal the others slowly as the charity funds mount up in the pot. Maybe a newspaper would like to feature one and champion our cause. Who knows. 

For now, here is the first of the behind the scenes pictures of the naked mum that is Hayley Goleniowska.

TO DONATE PLEASE TEXT DSUU47 £AMOUNT TO 70070

OR VISIT MY JUST GIVING SITE  HERE.

WATCH OUR VIDEO CLIP ABOUT HOW THIS PROJECT CAME ABOUT AND MY REASONS FOR DOING IT HERE: 

 

Highs and Lows of 2012

The wonderful Kate of Kate on Thin Ice, who I had the very great pleasure to get to know at Britmums Live this year and who works tirelessly for charities and boosting the morale of many a lacklustre mum, has asked me to complete this questionnaire about my year. As 2013 approaches it seems like a pretty good time to think back andmuse on the year gone by.

1. What was your happiest event? After 2 very sad losses, my brother and his wife welcomed a happy healthy little girl into their family this year, my first 'blood' niece. 
We also received the wonderful news that my husband's son and his wife are expecting their first child in February. I shall be Gi-Gi, his step-grandma, a glamorous role I can't wait to enjoy.

2. What was the saddest thing to happen? Being a part of the online blogging community brings you close to people even though you don't actually get to meet them. This year has been very emotional as 2 online friends have lost precious, much longed for babies. We suffered 5 early miscarriages but that doesn't come close to what they have been through.
A fellow blogger in America went through unimaginable hell when her daughter with DS very suddenly died of sepsis following a stomach infection. She was Natty's age. Selfishly, her story gave me nightmares. My heart goes out to her and her family daily.
Recently, the news that blogger Mulitple Mummy passed away after losing her fight for life following a brain haemorrhage has hit us all terribly hard. I met her briefly at Britmums Live but she was always supportive of Downs Side Up. I send strength to her husband and children.

3. What was the most unlikely thing to happen that actually went ahead and did? In January 2012 I wrote in my resolutions list that I would get onto Breakfast TV shouting about Down's Syndrome and telling the world that our children were beautiful. By April we were sitting on the ITV Daybreak sofa, as a family, doing just that, stealing Kate Garroway's secret stash of Danish pastries and breakdancing with Flawless in the corridors off camera. The hug with Dr Hilary Jones wasn't so bad either ;)

Downs Side Up in the Green Room pre-TV interview.

4. Who let you down? One of my mottos is to expect nothing from others and you will not be disappointed when they don't deliver. I am always too busy focussing on those who are on the same team as Downs Side Up to worry about people that I turn a blind eye to. That said, I find two traits particularly difficult to understand in others: jealousy and lack of integrity.

5. Who supported you? Too many to mention... my husband Bob, our girls, close friends and family, key figures in the media. Scott Dunn, Frugi, Eden Project and Jojo Maman Bebe for using Natty as a model. Parenting guru Sue Atkins, celebs Cherry Healey and Katy Hill, photographer Graham Miller, the teams of inspirational women at Britmums, bloggers such as Her Melness Speaks and Kate on Thin Ice. Mumsnet, Netmums and Tots100, the British Institute of Learning Disabilities and Sharon Paley, the Downs Syndrome Association, Singing Hands, Mencap, Zoe at Saying Goodbye UK, many parents and fellow bloggers in the Down's Syndrome community on Twitter and Facebook. These are people who have reminded me why I am doing what I do, helped spread the word and scooped me up and egged me on on the harder days.

6. Tell us one thing you learned I am no technical chick. I have learnt to write and publish a blog, take and edit photos, court the media and do radio and TV interviews off the cuff with sometimes as little as 20 mins preparation time. I have learnt a lot about myself through my writing and meeting others who I admire greatly. I have learnt much about and from others' lives. I have learnt to survive on even less sleep than I did before I started blogging. (and I am now learning that I can't limit myself to a one thing answer...).

7. Tell us one thing that made you laugh Meeting up for girls' weekends with old college chums, reminiscing. Watching my children's renditions of Gangnam Style. My husband's Movember tash. Giggling with bloggers at Britmums Live over semi-clad waiters bearing champagne, or maybe we were laughing more at the re-finding of ourselves, knowing our children were safe at home and the fact we could still make new friends... many good times.

8. Tell us one thing that made you cry Reading the unmoderated comments of a vile troll on an article about Natty's modelling on Parentdish online. They called for her to be locked away from society and provided links to post-birth (yes, after birth) abortion sites. I didn't eat for days, was fearful, and nearly gave up what I am trying to achieve. I became harder, learnt not to read comments on national media sites, and now just focus on those we are helping, the positives. The light now shines brighter into those dark corners.

9. Tell us three things your child or children did to make you feel proud. Watching both in their Christmas plays, watching them make friends and play confidently, reading their letters of love and drawings to us as parents and each other, knowing they have a strong sense of right and wrong and will stand up for classmates at school against bullies. Watching Mia win rosettes in a gymkhana, seeing her eyes light up with pride as she took part in a summer school production of Wind in The willows, seeing Natty take her first swim strokes without armbands, watching her actually write a letter to Santa. So much. Every day.

10. Tell us one thing that made you proud of yourself. I have been proud of the doors I have opened, the hearts I have lifted and the perceptions I have changed with my simple writings and by meeting people face to face. What I do is tiring and unpaid but I have never felt so rewarded in my life. Chatting on TV a couple of times were amazing moments, but by far and away the most powerful and proud experience of the year was talking, terrified, in the keynotes at Britmums Live London. Me a country bumpkin out of water. Then watching 500 bloggers, authors and PR folks rise in a standing ovation, tears flowing. Utterly unexpected and utterly mindblowing. I then realised my words had the power to move mountains.
Later in the year my blog was voted 8th in Europe by Circle of Moms. Again, incredible.

11. Tell us one challenge you overcame Learning (partially) to use my over-complicated camera.

12. Tell us three things you would like to change about your life in 2013. To spend more time on myself and get a little fitter. More sleep would be nice too, but then I guess sleep is for the weak ;)
I need to spend less time flitting on social media and more time focussing seriously on my writing and speaking.
Finally, I plan to actually meet many people who have greatly inspired me this year. Together we are stronger.

Read more about Downs Side Up's first year of blogging on our anniversary post here.

To share your post about the highs and lows of 2012 and your aspirations for 2013, please do join our linky here.