Our Kids Don't Like Each Other... and that's just fine

This post was written by Sarah on her blog Things Mummy Thinks after her youngest daughter met with a little girl who has Down's syndrome and they didn't get along. I love this post, it's about how kids just take disability in their stride, and if that means not making special allowances, then so be it. 

It really is OK for children not to get along, whatever their needs and parents shouldn't worry.

Shine Bright Natty: Nativity Star Realisations

Star

was one of Natalia Hope's very first words. (Along with 'cake' and 'chocolate' and 'more'!)

And her name means 'birth', a December-born baby who was allowed home from hospital on Christmas Eve. The greatest gift ever imaginable.

Our little star 
loves this time of year, the lights, the twinkling, the craft activities, the gifts, the sing-along DVDs, the family and friends. She'd happily let the festivities carry on all year if she could. I wonder if you know anyone like that...?

There's so much to do, see and take part in, a veritable sensory learning paradise for many children. Of course one of the most anticipated dates in the calendar is the school play or concert, and this year Natty's class are staging a classic Nativity. Last year it was The 3 Little Penguins and Natty nose-picked, danced and grinned her way through the performance, just as her peers did, literally dressed as a star.

Last week I opened Natty's book bag and removed a slip of paper. I think it read along the lines of:

Your child, Natty

will be performing in the Christmas Nativity play

as Mary.

Please supply dark leggings and a white top.

(And bring tissues.)

At least I think that's what it said because I didn't read past the word Mary. Tears welled up in my eyes. Daddy Downs Side Up complained of dust in his eyes too. We hugged our little star and signed 'proud' through our smiles and tears and whoops of excitement.

Now everyone I have told about this says, 'Ahh how lovely.' Or, 'Oh she'll love that!' Or, 'You must be so proud'. I bet your first reaction was just that too was't it?

Yes. 

Yes. 

And yes. 

It is. 

She will. 

And we are.

The day she arrived in our lives I foolishly feared we would never step out in public again. Then there were our worries over whether she would survive heart surgery. I was afraid to love her unconditionally in case she didn't make it and it would hurt too much if I had taken that leap. We had no idea of what lay ahead, but we vowed to take one step at a time and always follow Natty's lead in what was best for her with regard to schooling and interests.

So to hold a piece of paper in my shaking hands saying that she had been asked to play the central role in the (mainstream) school production was beyond wonderful, beyond our wildest dreams. This year Natty would be the star alongside her 'typically developing' classmates. My heart was bursting out of my chest with pride. 

The part is made for Natty I must say, she gets to stand centre stage, she'll think all the applause is for her, Mary isn't a big speaking role, just a couple of precious lines that we have practised so hard that she is shouting them in her sleep, and she gets to hold a much-cherished doll throughout.

(I just hope she doesn't have a grumpy moment as she did when she played a sheep 2 years ago...)

The grumpiest nativity sheep ever?

So why then are the tears of pride stinging? 

Why are our hearts alternately singing and weighing heavy? Why do I want to add a 'but...' to your ooooohs and aaaaaahs? Why am I a little nervous of the event, fearing making an emotional fool of myself?

Because seeing Natty up there on stage, playing the most famous and gentle mother of all mothers, the Virgin Mary, lovingly holding the symbolic baby Jesus in her arms will be a very powerful and graphic reminder that our youngest daughter is unlikely to ever become a mother herself. Even if she was physically able, it wouldn't be in her best interests emotionally, for becoming independent and able to look after herself with support is our best aim. 

The day she was born I sobbed over this fact. I grieved the loss of the Grandchildren I assumed she would bring to our family. It came from some primeval place deep within my soul, a place that the head cannot rule over however logically you try to reason it out. I thought I had come to terms with the fact over the years, I can watch Natty play with dolls now without her words 'Look at my baby', sending me rushing for my sunglasses. But I realise, sitting here with tear-stained cheeks after driving home from school releasing chest-deep sobs alone in the car, that I am far, far from that place.

Now, Natty's fairy Godmothers don't have any children. Her Great Cousin doesn't have any offspring. One of my dearest former colleagues cannot bear the thought of reproducing. 
But for all of them it was a lifestyle choice, a decision that they made.

My oldest chum and her partner were unable to conceive and have just adopted a gorgeous little boy after years of heartache. Having children isn't the be all and end all in life, but if you want them and are denied that privilege it takes a lot of soul searching to come to terms with that fact. It's a loss, an empty void, that is hard to fill.

And one day we will have to have that heart-breaking conversation with Natty, who may or may not understand the whys and wherefores. 
We will have to explain to a young woman who loves babies, that she cannot become a mother, as her elder sister is likely to.
I hope the realisation doesn't crush her.

Perhaps she will fill her life in other ways, get a job in a childcare capacity, or maybe it will never cross her mind to be a mother and I am overthinking the whole thing. It's all a long way off and I don't know any of the answers yet. I don't even know what all the questions are. I will look to the families I know and respect who have led the way for advice and support.

I do know we will have to turn being an aunty (which she and Mia are already) into an important and valued starring role, just as we view motherhood.

Aunty Natty teaches nephew Baby Max to say 'Oooo'.

So if you see me sobbing in a village hall at 6pm tomorrow evening, please excuse me. You now know it's not because I am over proud or pathetically pushy or super soppy. 
You'll know it's because I am taking in and assimilating all of Natalia's unique star qualities. 

See the photos taken during the nativity performance here. 

It was 'alright on the night' as they say. 

Downs Side Up meet The Futures Rosie

I could write for hours about what happened when the two divas met for the second time... but I'll let the pictures speak the words. I bring you Natty and Rosie:

Read The Futures Rosie blog here. 

Review of Something Special Toys by Golden Bear

I have never done a product review before.

It's not that I've never been asked, I've refused quite a few.  You see, I really want Downs Side Up to remain a haven for those seeking information about Down's Syndrome and I don't want them to stumble on the site and be hit by irrelevant reviews as the first thing they see.

However, I have always said that I am not opposed to doing a review of a product that was relevant to my readers, one that I would actually go out and part with good money for, one that would stimulate and educate my girls. I was waiting for the right product to come along.

Well such an offer arrived and I jumped at the chance to trial and review none other that the much anticipated... long awaited... desperately needed... new range of...

SOMETHING SPECIAL PRODUCTS by GOLDEN BEAR.

Yes, that's right, you heard me correctly, MR TUMBLE TOYS are hitting our shops right about now!

Now I'm sure you all know who Mr Tumble is and have sat through hours of Someting Special, but for those that hail from Jupiter, Mr T is not someone from the 80s hit show The A Team, but instead a zany character on the CBBC TV hit children's show Something Special. Together with his alter ego Justin they find things that are in Mr Tumble's yellow spotty bag, using a combination of speech and Makaton, the invaluable sign language used by many parents of children with speech delay, and increasingly children without any language issues.  To read more about our experiences of using Makaton as a family, click here.

The package arrived (sadly not delivered by the effervescent Mr T himself) and I eagerly opened it.

We had been given 3 products to try, although there are more in the range. I decided to show Natty one product at a time, making her shut her eyes before I put them in her hand to enhance the surprise. She is, after all Mr Tumble's biggest fan.

So who are these products aimed at? I'd say all pre-schoolers, any child who loves Something Special and many children who have additional needs and who use Makaton as a means of communication.

First came the Pick n Match Pairs Game (Retailing at around £4)

Getting to know the cards

A set of 36 flashcards that make up 18 different pairs. Each card features an icon or a character from the show as well as a small picture of Justin acting the Makaton with the word clearly written below. 

The cards are of comparable quality to other flashcards in our cupboard and are small enough and sturdy enough for little hands to hold. The images are clear and visually stimulating and Natty was familiar with all of them. 

I would have found the word and sign repeated on the reverse of the card useful, so that I could see and sign whilst holding the card up to Natty to identify.

Pairs, memory game and snap

Everyone loves sets of matching cards for there are so many things you can do with them. So a set with your Makaton super hero on them will be a must for most families. 

We played Find the Matching Pairs with the cards face up, Find Matching Pairs Memory Game with the cards face down and Snap. I also spread a selection of cards on the floor and asked Natty to find and stand on one. And finally I gave her one card (eg boots) and told her to scuttle off around the house to find the item. The possibilities are enless...

Mia signing 'flower' to Natty, who said 'poo, it stinks!'

The second Toy was Mr Tumble's Phone (price tbc). 

'Hello. Yes, I'll put him on the line.'

Children can listen to 1 of 3 of their favourite characters on the phone by inserting a disc with a picture of the character into the phone. (Spare 2 disks can be stored in the back of the phone when not in use). When you press the chucky button at the bottom the characters say familiar phrases which children will love to copy or respond to. 

Natty whispered 'I'm fine', when Mr Tumble asked how she was.

Again the product is small and chucky enough for little fingers or to pop in your handbag for trips out. The volume is quiet enough to put to your ear without being deafening or alarming (or annoying) and the button is easy to locate and press. Other phones on the market do more, but sometimes simplicity is the key as children will quickly learnt to press and get an immediate response from their favourite characters. 

I think in time the stickers on the phone and character discs might peel off (depending on how dextrous and inquisitive your child is).

Finally, I gave Natty the Mr Tumble Activity Toy  (around £17). 

What is it? Mr Tumble! Here's a kiss x

She was delighted and squealed 'oooh, Mr Tumble!' and planted a large kiss on his cheek. I'll say straight away that this will be the toy that everyone wants for Christmas or birthday this year and it will be the one that sells out. So buy it well ahead of December. You have been warned.

The toy is soft, colourful and appealing to look at (although slightly slimmer and younger that his on screen counterpart. Sorry Justin ;) ) When you squeeze his hand gently he says a selection of phrases clearly and audibly. His nose lights up (perfect for taking to bed), there is a rattle in his hand to stimulate the senses,  and children can unvelcro his shoes and coat. The toy has quickly become a companion for Natty and her big sister, who thinks it's hilarious to make up conversations with him 'Do you like my waistcoat?' 'Yes, Mr Tumble, it's spot on!' 

This doll will have universal appeal to girls and boys, is the perfect size for a snuggle and easy to use even if you have manual difficulties.

I understand that there is a tea set and a spotty bag in the range too.  I might just be tempted to put those in Santa's stockings. So, the range comprises toys at different price ranges and to suit different children. I'm sure there is something for everyone in there.

And here's where I found Natty later on... hiding under her bed talking on the phone!

(We were given these toys to review but received no payment in addition. I have been honest in my appraisal of the products. They will be widely available in supermarkets, online and all good toyshops very soon.)