Shine Bright Natty: Nativity Star Realisations

Star

was one of Natalia Hope's very first words. (Along with 'cake' and 'chocolate' and 'more'!)

And her name means 'birth', a December-born baby who was allowed home from hospital on Christmas Eve. The greatest gift ever imaginable.

Our little star 
loves this time of year, the lights, the twinkling, the craft activities, the gifts, the sing-along DVDs, the family and friends. She'd happily let the festivities carry on all year if she could. I wonder if you know anyone like that...?

There's so much to do, see and take part in, a veritable sensory learning paradise for many children. Of course one of the most anticipated dates in the calendar is the school play or concert, and this year Natty's class are staging a classic Nativity. Last year it was The 3 Little Penguins and Natty nose-picked, danced and grinned her way through the performance, just as her peers did, literally dressed as a star.

Last week I opened Natty's book bag and removed a slip of paper. I think it read along the lines of:

Your child, Natty

will be performing in the Christmas Nativity play

as Mary.

Please supply dark leggings and a white top.

(And bring tissues.)

At least I think that's what it said because I didn't read past the word Mary. Tears welled up in my eyes. Daddy Downs Side Up complained of dust in his eyes too. We hugged our little star and signed 'proud' through our smiles and tears and whoops of excitement.

Now everyone I have told about this says, 'Ahh how lovely.' Or, 'Oh she'll love that!' Or, 'You must be so proud'. I bet your first reaction was just that too was't it?

Yes. 

Yes. 

And yes. 

It is. 

She will. 

And we are.

The day she arrived in our lives I foolishly feared we would never step out in public again. Then there were our worries over whether she would survive heart surgery. I was afraid to love her unconditionally in case she didn't make it and it would hurt too much if I had taken that leap. We had no idea of what lay ahead, but we vowed to take one step at a time and always follow Natty's lead in what was best for her with regard to schooling and interests.

So to hold a piece of paper in my shaking hands saying that she had been asked to play the central role in the (mainstream) school production was beyond wonderful, beyond our wildest dreams. This year Natty would be the star alongside her 'typically developing' classmates. My heart was bursting out of my chest with pride. 

The part is made for Natty I must say, she gets to stand centre stage, she'll think all the applause is for her, Mary isn't a big speaking role, just a couple of precious lines that we have practised so hard that she is shouting them in her sleep, and she gets to hold a much-cherished doll throughout.

(I just hope she doesn't have a grumpy moment as she did when she played a sheep 2 years ago...)

The grumpiest nativity sheep ever?

So why then are the tears of pride stinging? 

Why are our hearts alternately singing and weighing heavy? Why do I want to add a 'but...' to your ooooohs and aaaaaahs? Why am I a little nervous of the event, fearing making an emotional fool of myself?

Because seeing Natty up there on stage, playing the most famous and gentle mother of all mothers, the Virgin Mary, lovingly holding the symbolic baby Jesus in her arms will be a very powerful and graphic reminder that our youngest daughter is unlikely to ever become a mother herself. Even if she was physically able, it wouldn't be in her best interests emotionally, for becoming independent and able to look after herself with support is our best aim. 

The day she was born I sobbed over this fact. I grieved the loss of the Grandchildren I assumed she would bring to our family. It came from some primeval place deep within my soul, a place that the head cannot rule over however logically you try to reason it out. I thought I had come to terms with the fact over the years, I can watch Natty play with dolls now without her words 'Look at my baby', sending me rushing for my sunglasses. But I realise, sitting here with tear-stained cheeks after driving home from school releasing chest-deep sobs alone in the car, that I am far, far from that place.

Now, Natty's fairy Godmothers don't have any children. Her Great Cousin doesn't have any offspring. One of my dearest former colleagues cannot bear the thought of reproducing. 
But for all of them it was a lifestyle choice, a decision that they made.

My oldest chum and her partner were unable to conceive and have just adopted a gorgeous little boy after years of heartache. Having children isn't the be all and end all in life, but if you want them and are denied that privilege it takes a lot of soul searching to come to terms with that fact. It's a loss, an empty void, that is hard to fill.

And one day we will have to have that heart-breaking conversation with Natty, who may or may not understand the whys and wherefores. 
We will have to explain to a young woman who loves babies, that she cannot become a mother, as her elder sister is likely to.
I hope the realisation doesn't crush her.

Perhaps she will fill her life in other ways, get a job in a childcare capacity, or maybe it will never cross her mind to be a mother and I am overthinking the whole thing. It's all a long way off and I don't know any of the answers yet. I don't even know what all the questions are. I will look to the families I know and respect who have led the way for advice and support.

I do know we will have to turn being an aunty (which she and Mia are already) into an important and valued starring role, just as we view motherhood.

Aunty Natty teaches nephew Baby Max to say 'Oooo'.

So if you see me sobbing in a village hall at 6pm tomorrow evening, please excuse me. You now know it's not because I am over proud or pathetically pushy or super soppy. 
You'll know it's because I am taking in and assimilating all of Natalia's unique star qualities. 

See the photos taken during the nativity performance here. 

It was 'alright on the night' as they say. 

Natty Wins Child of Courage or Achievement Award

FINALLY Friday came.

Our house was filled with excited women and one token man, all preening and beautifying each other.

We don't get out of our jeans and wellies nearly often enough, obviously!

Natty and Mia beamed from ear to ear as we washed and straightened hair, painted nails, including a layer of glitter, and gathered dresses, tights, new patent shoes and hair bows together. Their babysitter is a hairdresser and she came in to help and Natty sat stock still while she wielded the scary looking straightening irons through her fine hair. She wanted a touch of lip gloss and a wave of mascara to be like Mummy and Mia too.

We even pinned Daddy Downs Side Up down and plucked his eyebrowns and buffed his nails, and shaved his head. (You all do that to your menfolk before a big night out, right?)

Handbags were found and laid out ready...

Ready for the biggest family night of our lives! For we had all been invited to the Pirate FM Local Heroes Award Ceremony, a glitzy black tie affair, taking place against the beautiful backdrop of the Eden Project. Little Natty had been awarded the Child of Courage or Achievement Award for her modelling, opening of doors for children with disabilities everywhere and gently changing perceptions as she melts hearts wherever she goes.

And yes, there was to be a disco. "With actual DJs who actually work on Pirate FM playing the music we listen to on the radio". (Mia G, 9)

And yes, there was to be "staying up late". (Natty, 6)

And yes, the girls were "coming too". (Natty 6)

...And yes, there "was going to be champagne". (Mummy, 43).

We were dressed and ready to leave in plenty of time. The girls were a cloud of pink and yellow chiffon in the back of the car. As they sat poker still, I joked to Bob that my only stress was keeping them clean until the point that the awards were given out. My biggest nightmare would be a dinner swimming in gravy and a pudding floating in chocolate sauce. I believe pale chiffon is the biggest magnet for dark brown liquid foodstuffs.

"I'm sure they won't serve that..." (Daddy)

Mia and Natty all set to party

On arrival there was a red carpet to float along while photographers took shots from every angle. I bristled with pride as Natty and Mia confidently strode into the room filled with smartly dressed adults, with not another child in sight, apart from the wonderful young woman Megan Rumsey who had won Young Person of the Year for being an incredible sister and voice for those with disabilities.

Mia marvelled at the beautiful gowns, Natty asked everyone "What's your name?"

We sat at the beautifully decorated table, complete with gold bows on the back of the chairs and gold star-shapped ballons, "Just like my shoes!" exclaimed Natty. 

Of course, just for you inspirational girl.

We chatted to our category sponsors, the truly lovely people from Kidzworld who helped set up the event, and began eating. A simple Caprese salad to begin, followed by roast beef and... A SEA OF GRAVY! 

I panicked (thinking of possible big brown stain right down the front of that yellow chiffon) and the lovely waitress brought Natty a dry dinner without the sauce poor mite. Both girls had to be pursuaded by everyone at the table to wear their napkins, so we all ended up doing it to set an example.

Napkin fun

Help, my mother is embarrassing me

Oh and yes, there was chocolate sauce with the brownie for desert!

After dinner the the award ceremony opened with former X Factor star Amelia Lily singing a beautiful trio of songs, the last of which had the most beautiful lyrics that seemed so fitting for Natty. 'You Bring Joy, You Bring Pain'. My facade cracked and I began to cry. Natty took to the stage to meet Amelia and was presented with a signed photo of the singer.

There was some dancing and quite a bit of showing off and bottom wiggling.
That's Natty not Amelia you understand!

We were all emotional before we had even begun.

The awards began and we were all treat to an amazing array of stories that affirmed our belief in community and the human spirit. 

An elderly neighbour who collects prescriptions for those who can't get out. A young woman driven to raise money for eye charities following an eye problem of her own.

A chef who happens to be a supportive and thoughtful boss as well as a culinary genius. 

Parent of the Year, who is a positive force for her children, one of whom has Autism, despite being a single Mum and having her own health issues.

An amazingly brave Emergency service worker, a coastal rescuer, an environmental guardian angel, an encouraging teacher and great paralympic sportswoman and a lady with healing hands.

Natty's award was called. She and Mia took to the stage with neither parent to help them. I wanted both girls to feel an equal part of the celebrations, for Natty is only Natty because her big sister is such an incredible influence on her.

A video clip was played, showing an interview with Natty and I. I don't mind admitting I sobbed like a baby, taking handfuls of the tissues thoughtfully provided on each table.

The clip was funny as well as heartwarming, featuring raspberries, funny faces, more bottom wiggling and a few "You are joking!'s". You can watch it here.

            

The audience laughed with Natty and she and Mia took the applause well, beaming even wider from ear to ear.

They were presented with a selection of toys from World's Apart (who Natty has modelled for ) and a family pass to Kidzworld. Natty couldn't have been happier as she stood and posed for the journalists centre stage.

We had just enough time to meet a couple of the Heroes before some had to leave.

2 people really stood out for me, Matt Vernon who tried desperately to save the woman whose car slipped off the King Harry Ferry slipway last month. An unassuming man who embodies all that society should be, and Shane Edwards who offers oncology massage and has worked her calming and relaxing magic on over 1000 cancer sufferers many of them terminally ill. A woman who simply radiates love and care.

We were just throwing some shapes on the dancefloor when we realised we were in danger of turning into pumpkins. Natty was flagging and finding the music a little loud, so Mia had to cut her wild routine to Guns and Roses short. It was half past midnight!

Thank you, thank you, thank you to all the sponsors and Pirate FM and the judges and nominators and fellow heroes and all those who made Friday night possible.

I know 2 little ladies who had, quite simple, the night of their lives.

I leave you with a quote from Natty this weekend:

"I want party again. I want gold shoes and present for me and surprise for me and music and dance, waggy bottom." And that sums it up in a nutshell. 

Happy to have been nominated here:

                                                                

The Christmas Nativity Star

Natty attends a mainstream primary school and last week Daddy Downs Side Up, Mia and I proudly watched her and her classmates perform in their second ever Christmas play.

Last year it was the traditional Nativity story, this year a jazzed up modern tale which included fish and penguins. Both were equally magical.

At least she wasn't rude to her fellow thespians like last year!

We rushed around to feed the girls after school, get them changed and returned for 5.30pm, all warmly wrapped against the chill of the dark December evening. We found a space to sit and chatted to other excited parents as we waited for the actors to ready themselves. 

As the action began to unfold, we sat and craned our necks to see a glimpse of our daughter past the heads of the other parents, all doing the same of course. Mia snuck down to the front of the hall and sat cross-legged, inches from her little sister. Once these optimum positions were found, all three of us didn't let Natty out of our sight for one moment, eager to catch every second of her festive role.

Well, the performance comprised some very nice singing, Natty joined in and all the words. There was dancing around the stage, waving wands and she knew exactly what she was doing and where to stand, interacting with her classmates perfectly.  She stayed where she should during the times when her group was not under the spotlight. Most of all, she was really enjoying herself.

There was also:

a little bit of nose picking, 

a small amount of fidgeting, 

a stand up and wave at Mummy 

a poke of her neighbour in the back with her wand

a couple of verses where she sat and yawned instead

"Oh dear," I thought.

And then I looked at her peers, all 30 or so of them, and I noticed these behaviours were, of course typical for any only-just-six year old. Mia had done exactly the same back in her day too.

And so, our Christmas play experience was much the same as yours I should expect, and that of your neighbour's children, your cousins and your neices. 

Each and every one a Christmas Star.