The Power of the Humble Blogette: an example


I never knew when I started poring my simple musings into my Mac that it would mean strangers coming up and shaking my hand. Well that's exactly what happened this weekend.

We had popped into town for summer sandals. 
This is a tricky job at the best of times. 

The combination of Saturday bustle, busy pavements, a child who hates being measured but loves to show off and leap around the shoe shop shouting 'chase me', a daughter with very distinct fashion sense hellbent on black patent rather than strappy summer footwear, the constant wrangles over walking properly, holding hands to cross roads, the mantras we repeat to encourage road safety, the swinging her along between us to cover the few hundred yards back to the car when she has given up walking, my refusal to use a buggy if its only for my convenience, little shops that don't stock the size you need, lack of choice under one roof, 2 children to find shoes for in one trip....

Anyway, it was definitely a 2 man job and it took all our patience and might, some jelly sweets and the promise of a playing of Mary Poppins to deal with it with a jolly smile on our faces.

With 2 pairs of identical sandals purchased from shops at opposite ends of town in the bag, it was time for sustenance. 

We stopped and flopped in a hearty healthfood cafe and ordered jacket spuds and tea to boost our spirits. The girls asked if they could sit alone. What a super idea we thought. They could feel independent and grown up sitting at a table right next to us.

As it happened the plan worked beautifully. They played with a few toys provided. Natty sat still, didn't get down from the table once and ate her simple lunch which Mia had cut up for her and they chatted together easily without interruptions from the parents. They felt very proud of themselves.

I noticed people looking. Perhaps they thought we were bad parents for banishing our children like this? Not wanting to sit together.


But no.

As we got up to leave a lady and her mother came over. They just had to tell us what beautifully behaved children we had and how touched they were by their closeness, how amazed they were by Mia's gentle helping way with her younger sister. They left by saying we must be very good parents.

Wow, what a compliment!


Then, as we paid and donned our coats, the shoe shopping stress a distant uncomfortable memory, the chef of the establishment came out from the kitchen with his wife. This was a couple of a certain age, who clearly work all the hours they can to run a successful eatery. I didn't have them down as blog readers.

The man leant forward and shook our hands. "I follow you on Twitter" he said. "What you do is amazing. I can tell it takes a lot of time." "What you do for others as a family is brilliant."

And there you have it. You never know who is reading your words and the effect it is having on them when you blog your heart out. Did this couple have any connection to Down's Syndrome? They didn't mention it if they did. And that has always been my aim. To gently change perceptions of the condition from within hearts, without people even realising that I am doing it. Not preaching to the converted, but drawing in those who are not.


If you enjoyed this post you might like to read Downs Side Up: A Gentle Mummy Activist




Guest Post from a Sibling - Charly Harris

This month, a number of quite fabulous and very powerful posts featured in the Britmums SEN round-up. The topic was siblings. I've received several heartfelt comments about that round-up including this one, from Charly a woman who has grown up with a brother who has a disability. Charly's account is wonderful in its honesty. It exudes love, but she also isn't afraid to outline her frustrations too.
Charly doesn't have a blog of her own, so I am featuring her words here on Downs Side Up.


David and Charly take a ride in an American cop car for his birthday


I read Hayley Goleniowska’s Special Needs round-up, “what about the siblings?” with interest. As a sister to a younger disabled brother, I have spent the last 22 years thinking, what about me?

Hayley’s post grabbed my attention for two reasons. Firstly, to hear of a parent’s perspective on how they think their disabled child’s siblings are affected by the situation and secondly, to read other siblings’ perspectives and find that they mostly align with my own. Reading Hayley’s and others posts started me thinking about the journey I have taken as David’s sister, the emotions, the experiences and how it has shaped me as a person and I decided to put pen to paper.

I’m going to start with my current position. David is 22 and in residential care at a college in Exeter, and my parents live in Solihull. I live in Nottingham with my husband. We are currently in the process of finding a residential care package for David near Solihull, as his college placement finishes in July 2013 and we can no longer support his needs at home.

What I found hardest as a sibling was finding that nobody else understood my position. My parents were exactly that, parents to a disabled child, which is a very different relationship to that of a sibling, regardless of any disability. Although my parents were constantly supportive, loving and devoted to both David and I, they couldn’t understand how it affected me, nor I them. Being a sibling is a unique position – you grow up with the realisation that your disabled sibling needs more care than most, and ultimately, you will be in a position of being their guardian, once your parents have passed on. Your childhood and your adulthood is affected from day 1 of their birth, and in my case, I would say for the better. Your parents’ life is affected from day 1 of their birth, but they have had their childhood.

There was no sign that David was disabled when he was born, it was only after 6 months that his development was noticeably slower and investigations were made. The day my parents found out, I was sat in the back of the car with David and (so I’m told) suggested that they sang “If you’re happy and you know it” with me. Perhaps I sensed that they were upset! David has never received a true diagnosis, and instead has an amalgamation of problems, including characteristics of cerebral palsy, epilepsy, severe learning difficulties, partially sighted and unable to walk. Despite this, he has the biggest personality of anyone I know and always makes those with him smile. From then on, David and I have maintained a bond that is probably closer than if he hadn’t been disabled. I have waited at the front door for the paramedics to arrive whilst my parents sat with him through his convulsions. I have waited for the outcome of each hospital appointment to see what new diagnosis he has been given, what treatment they will try. I have read his school reports, watched him in his school plays, dressed up with him for World Book Day (Where’s Wally was one of my favourites!) and tried to make his physiotherapy fun.

Although David doesn’t have a cognitive understanding equivalent to his age, his empathy has always been far beyond his years. If I’m upset, he’s upset. If I’m quiet during a phone call, he asks “what’s wrong, sister?” If I’m excited, he’s bouncing out of his wheelchair with happiness. It’s for this reason that I would do anything for David. Despite all his difficulties, and the affect it has had on my life, and our family, he is so loving. We often say that he is completely unaware of the stresses and struggles of life but that is a blessed relief, because when we are tired of the stresses and the worries, we can enter his world for 5 minutes to forget.
Having said all this, it’s not always a rosy picture of perfection – far from it! There have been times where I have wanted to (and have done) stamp my feet, scream and feel so angry that “it’s just not fair”. Why should I not be able to go on a “normal holiday?” Why does David always have to be the centre of attention? Why do I get stared at when I’m in a public place with him? Why can’t he feed himself? Why does he not understand what’s appropriate behaviour and what’s not? Most of all, my main feeling was not of jealousy or anger, but of upset and worry for my parents who are working so hard to look after him.

Other times, I have felt tied to David. I chose a university that was only an hour’s drive from home, so that I could be with them as soon as possible in an emergency. My future career choices, where I choose to live and establish my family are all, to some degree, decided by where David is living. My parents have always encouraged me to live my own life, and I have done, but my perspective is that I’d rather be involved at all times, to a lesser or greater extent, than to leave him entirely in their care and then uproot my life and my husband and children’s lives in 10 years, or whenever my parents can no longer take care of him.

Ultimately, being a sibling to a disabled brother does change your life, and the worse thing you can do is to try and pretend otherwise. Allow this opportunity to shape your life, and you. Don’t fight it. Enjoy the journey and know that these experiences have opened your eyes to a world you may never have known otherwise.

The Gallery: Expressions







Pride: I think this photo says it all x









Our Local Hero: Natty G




Today a lovely positive little piece came out in our local newspaper. 
I was immediately struck by the positive headline. No 'Downs Girl' here as so many of the nationals have previously written about Natty. And the article quite rightly praised Mia for being as much a part of the success story.

The picture shows 'No Papps Natty' holding her glass star award for Child of Courage or Achievement of the Year, an accolade which she won for opening the doors of the advertising world to children with disabilities, changing the face of beauty and also being an inspirational role model to many families, changing perceptions of Down's Syndrome and providing hope (her middle name as it happens).

Shortlisted in Brilliance in Blogging Awards



Last year I fell off my stool and jumped around the kitchen when I heard I had been nominated in the Inspire category of the BiBs Awards run by the wonderful Britmums.

This year I was nervous. Would people still find Downs Side Up inspiring now that we weren't a new blog on the block? Had I outstayed my welcome. There are many other fabulous Down's Syndrome blogs to choose from too now after all.

The shorlists were announced yesterday evening and the voting for the finals opened, and I was truly flabberghasted to have been listed, alongside many of my gurus and inspirations. Not just in one category, but 3!!!

Inspire - The content, the voice, the infectious enthusiasm of these bloggers encourages everyone around them. They are seen as leaders in their field and their inspiration is felt through the community.

Commentary - A blog is a bully pulpit and a place to highlight causes, raising awareness and funds, and being a force for positive change. Their topics might be global, local or personal. Whatever their cause, these bloggers did more than their bit, and helped us get involved too.

Outstanding - This blog grabs your attention and won’t let go. It looks good, it reads good, and the author is an active player in the social world.

Well, a glass of Prosecco was consumed in celebration.

How do I feel? Proud, humbled, mostly honoured to be among so many greats and really excited about meeting up with them all in London in June.

Thank you to everyone who reads my blog and enjoys it or finds it supportive. I would love you to pop over to the Britmums site and vote for us. It only takes a second to do and will help gently change perceptions of Down's Syndrome from within a few more hearts.



If you'd like to know what Downs Side Up has achieved this year, have a quick browse through the following. It's been a roller coaster, fly-by-the-seat-of-your-pants kind of year I can tell you.



Now first of all I'd like to say that what I do, the Downs Side Up stuff, is not for any recognition or reward or payment. Basically I saw that the World was fearful of Down's Syndrome, so I began trying to change the World for my daughter and other families, so that they can have the best possible life. I also didn't want any other parents to feel as desperate as I did in the early days, purely out of ignorance and my own fear, so to them I offer tips, advice and hope.

Of course, the blog was how it all began. Downs Side Up is 16 months old now but the blog has long since become the hub of a large wheel of activity. I don't want to bore you, and even I find it hard to remember it all, so here's a list of some of the things I've done this year, in no particular order;


  • I've met prospective parents and new parents for coffees and chats, and written to many hundreds of families online, often simply pointing them in the direction of a charity or organisation that can help them.
  • The blog was voted 8th Top European Blog and 10th Top Family Blog by Circle of Moms readers.
  • I became the Britmums Special Needs Editor, producing a round-up of the best posts around monthly.
  • I was invited to give Evidence in Parliament at the multi-party Enquiry into the Disability Abortion Law, where I pushed home the lack of support that families get when making such a decision, using anecdotes from those I have chatted to.
  • I was asked to speak at the Salvation Army Conference and a local church group working on disability services.
  • I've gone into local schools to talk to youngsters about inclusion and Down's Syndrome
  • I have met amazing adults with learning disabilities and been inspired by them on my own journey as we have become friends.
  • I've produced a little DVD to show to medical professionals, giving guidance on delivering a diagnosis and language used.
  • I've posed naked, apart from a pair of mismatched funky socks, to raise funds for our 3 favourite DS charities. Yes, it was terrifying. @Kateonthinice made me do it!
  • I've done last minute radio interviews on many subjects from disability benefits to parenting and blogging for BBC Radio Devon, BBC Radio Cornwall, Spin Radio and Heart Radio. 
  • I found 7 other models with DS in the UK and organised a meeting at the DSA Head office for a celebratory photoshoot which ended in a lovely positive article in The Sun. See the behind the scenes fun here as our children change the face of advertising and encourage companies to be more inclusive.
  • We've chatted on the ITV Daybreak sofa and stolen Kate and Dan's Danish pastries live on air.
  • Made 500 people cry and stand in an ovation at Britmums Live after listening to What to Say When a Baby is Born with Down's Syndrome. (They are hoping to get Kleenex to sponsor this year!)
  • ITV Westcountry featured us and our chickens in a piece about modelling and blogging.
  • We've been featured in Bella Magazine, The Sun, Cornwall Today, The Mail and The Express and Woman's Own.
  • I've sat through the night writing open letters to bigots, such as Geoffery Clark and Colin Brewer, there was a Girl Guides Brown Owl too. The letters have gone viral.
  • I organise linkies and guest posts sessions to encourage others to write and share their experiences, for blogging is so cathartic.
  • I've written articles and guest posts for SEN Magazine, Mummy and Me, My Child and Me, Learning Disability Today, Foundation for People with Learning Disabilities, Elite Magazine, the Makaton Charity, MamaUK and so many more.
  • I am spreading the word that 21st March is World Down Syndrome Day and encouraging as many people as possible to get involved to spread awareness.


Well, you get the idea. 

But to have that recognised is... well, I am very proud and it means that my efforts are having an effect.

Downs Side Up now takes up as much time as a full time job, mostly late into the night and when the children are at school. We live in Cornwall, so all that toing and froing to London is a bit of a pain, and we are often out of pocket. I sometimes have to turn things down because I can't fit it all in. We've even talked about moving to enable me to further my work.

I feel I have a duty to carry on, because I can.

And people seem to like listening and reading, so that's a bonus :)

The message is spreading that our children are a wonderful enhancement in life. So essentially all the late nights are worth it. So I'll carry on if you don't mind...

Thank you to everyone who nominated me for this award. I already feel like a winner and am in extraordinary company. I think all finalists should all just have a group hug on the night and a glass of prosecco. And thank you to everyone who has lifted me, inspired me and encouraged me. Those who have helped me through the scary moments when the trolls said unspeakable things about our precious daughter and I nearly gave up through fear. Those who helped spread the word, those who demanded I continue to shine a light into the darkest of shadows.

Thank you too to Britmums who first gave me that chance to find my voice, to Kateonthinice and MarisWorld, Susanna and Jennifer who have taught me so very much along the way.


Thank you. Thank you all.




You can vote here. 

NOMINATE ME BiB 2013 OUTSTANDINGNOMINATE ME BiB 2013 INSPIRENOMINATE ME BiB 2013 COMMENTARY

Fun with Speech Therapy

Most children with Down's Syndrome need SALT sessions to help them communicate more easily and speak more clearly. This can focus on the use of signing/Makaton, jaw position exercises and using certain types of cups, toys etc, or it can be about having fun with sounds and using visual ways to break down words.

I was a language teacher in a previous life, well, in my life before becoming a Mum. I used to teach English as a Foreign Language and that very often entailed helping students to produce quite tricky sounds in a fun and relaxed, even silly way.                                


I decided to take the same approach with Natty. She's been having trouble with ____sp words, such as crisp. They tended to come out as ____ps, or crips.

So, we took each syllable as a unit and reeeeeally exaggerated it, pulling funny faces and giggling as we went.

crisssssssssP

The P sound is what is called an unvoiced plosive, which basically means that lots of air shoots out of your mouth when you say it.
So, you can have masses of fun practising moving paper in front of your mouth, or, as we demonstrate here, blowing someone's hair around.

Watch Natty and I work on the word wasssssssssP at story time.


                                





Britmums Special Needs Round-up: Siblings



Each month I compile a round-up of some of the best Special Needs and Disability blog posts on the internet for Britmums as I'm their SEN Editor. Sometimes I try to fit them into a theme, or sometimes they just shuffle themselves into an order.

This month, a number of very powerful SIBLING posts came my way.
Some are written by parents about siblings, others are written by a child with a disability about their sibling, others by a child about their sibling with a disability. There is a post by a grieving sibling and one by an uncle, the brother of the Mum of a child with a disability.

I warn you, you will need tissues, as I cried buckets compiling the list.




Interview with Natty G and Mummy


On Friday night Natty was awarded her Local Hero Award for Child of Courage or Achievement of the Year. We are still, quite frankly, riding very high on the emotions of the night.

Here is the little interview clip Natty and I made a few days before the glitzy ceremony. She makes me howl with laughter as she sets out her showing off skills. Thank goodness they left out her answer to 'Tell us about Mummy?'
The little minx said I had a 'Smelly bottom'.

I can assure you that isn't true.


              

It was all very last minute and a bit short notice (as you can see by my appalling hair!) but I hope we managed to work our positive magic anyway.

H x

Silent Sunday




Posh Frocks and Best Behaviour

I'm not allowed to tell you some really exciting news and I'm bursting at the seams to blurt it out!

Shhhhhhhhh!

No really, I just can't and it's driving me mad!
This is the news that made me blub down the phone on Thursday evening, well up with pride, and ring every member of our family within a 20 minute phone relay. 

I just can't spoil the surprise. It's got to stay under my hat until after the event. What event?

I can't say a thing, there's an impargo. A ban on telling anyone. Slapped on by the hosts and organisers.

OK, well I may have just sent out a few teensy tweets  and FB page updates before I knew it was all Top Secret Squirrel. I retracted them, it's like it never happened.

Anyway, anyway, anyway... here's the thing... the exciting news means going to a glitzy do with a very particular dress code.
You know, one which states you must wear neck attire of a certain shape.

And here's another thing. The whole family are invited to this event to which one must be clean and smart, not only at the beginning, but also throughout and with any luck at the end. There will be media types present. Photos will be taken.

Minor panic to self. Have they seen Natty, or for that matter Mia, or come to think of it Daddy Downs Side Up eat? Or me after a glass of Prosecco? Particularly whilst wearing food magnets Sunday Best.


OK. I took a deep breath and scurried upstairs and peeked inside the girls wardrobes. They've been bridesmaids, they've been on telly, they have party dresses. I felt confident I'd find something suitable...

I turns out that the girls have grown a fair bit. The party shoes were 2 sizes too small too, and the beach dresses that fitted just didn't quite fit the bill.

OK. I know Daddy Downs Side Up is sorted. (How EASY is it to be a man at these occasions. The standard issue suit and funny waist thing and impossible to tie tie gets dusted off and away you go.)

But don't be silly. We can't find the cumberband or the tie. "I KNOW I bought one for Fi's do last year." "Are you sure? Weren't you a rebel and went without a tie?"


So tonight we have looked in every drawer, hunted among the fluff under the bed, climbed on furniture to look in the high up inaccessible places, searched in the sleeves of suits and in the bottom of the dry cleaners suit carriers. No flippin' show. Marvellous.

Right, not a big deal. Two girls dresses and a dickie bow to buy.

I'm fine of course. I have a sumptuous floor length devoré purple velvet show-stopper in the wardrobe. All spaghetti straps and cowl neckline. 

"Let's see you wear it Mummy!"

Well, I can say that I was proud that I could zip the aforementioned gown up to my ribs. I just couldn't shoe-horn the boobs in. Nowhere near. And what is about having children that seems to make your ribcage increase in size?


To be honest reader, it looked like a moth-eaten curtain 15 years down the line anyway. There were other options. Never was one to be a one trick pony.

Option 2: The sequined knee-skimming number...
"You look like a magician's assistant."
The truth was, he was absolutely correct. I did. Ta da!

Option 3: An outsider chance. An expensive Japanese designer skirt and top with a very structured feel, slightly 80s shoulders and tonnes of pleats which was a present from hubby once upon a time.

Too tight, too 80s, too square-shouldered, too 'oh heck where has the time gone'.
Let's not even go there.



We might just turn up in jeans! It wouldn't change a thing. I'm still the proudest Mummy I could ever be.



You might also like to read Thank You Body for What You Have Done.

If you like Downs Side Up 
you can vote for us in the 
Britmums Brilliance in Blogging Awards here.

NOMINATE ME BiB 2013 FAMILY
Thank you H x

Britmums #snaphappymums theme:Vegetables


Natty manages her first full cob of corn without help!


Chickens are Eggsellent Teachers



Eggsellent Teachers 

A year or so ago we purchased a small flock of hens for a number of reasons but mostly because we’d always fancied ourselves as Tom and Barbara.

I'd describe our garden fellows as a cross between housecoat-wearing buxom older women with ample hips Ã  la Les Dawson and a kind of pre-historic Can-Can dancer, with their scaly dinosaur legs emerging from their beautiful fluffy under-feather skirt of the softest down.

They are hilarious company, chatting away with a variety of noises and they are so entertaining to watch.  A scratch here, a wiggle there, peck, peck, a frenzied fly chase, even their way of drinking is humorous.

Several weeks down the line, now that we more or less know what we’re doing and aren’t on the chicken welfare 24hr hotline several times a week (for which read, texting and calling every friend we know who keeps hens,) I can step back and fully appreciate the benefits of keeping chickens when you have young children, especially those with additional needs. It might surprise you.

Flocking Together

Here’s the thing… keeping chickens has been the most brilliant activity for the whole family.
The shared excitement tinged with nervousness when we went to Nick’s barn to choose them was the best feeling. They then sat surprisingly calmly in boxes in the boot of the car as we took them home to their specially prepared enclosure and swish new recycled plastic house.  We had spent weeks preparing for their arrival, which felt like the run up to Christmas.

The children were bursting to release them and once we did, they happily made themselves at home immediately. ‘The White One’ even produced an egg on the first afternoon.  I bet you could hear us squealing from where you sit!  We then spent the next 2 hours just watching them go about their business, just being hens. Natty learnt immediately, and in a very visual and memorable way, where eggs come from and the unusual way in which chickens behave.

Then came the task of choosing names.  One name for a new cat or dog is fun…but six names at once, well you can really go to town on that. 
We picked a  ‘henny’ name; Henrietta,
a clever comedy name; Edwina (after a politician with an eggy past),
a colour related name; Crystal,
one for the hen with the unformed wings; Feathers*
a clucky ‘lady of a certain age with petticoats’ name; Gladys (which happened also to be my Grandmother’s name.),
a flamboyant show-off name; Lady Gaga
and Natty called hers Egg. Very clever I thought. Never underestimate the obvious.

Everyone can take part with hen husbandry. The children can carry out little chores such as feeding, putting out fresh water and checking for eggs, with little supervision. My heart is in my mouth whenever Natty runs into the house carrying them, but I have to trust her, and she hasn't broken one yet.

Natty was rather afraid at first when they flapped and pushed around her, but with patience and time she has begun to love them more and will pick them up spontaneously for a hug.

Yes, I worry about the germs, but again I’ve used this to teach both girls the absolute importance of washing their hands thoroughly when they've been near the birds. This has been repeated so many times that it is now an automatic part of their routine, and Natty goes to do it without being asked.

So thank you chickens for teaching us all such a lot. I have learnt what ‘Mescamphus’ is, that chickens cannot swallow or urinate, and a myraid of terms for bits of their anatomy. 

Natty has added so many new words to her vocabulary and can often be heard fluently chastising a naughty chicken for pecking her wellies.  And the birds have provided us with muses for artwork and writing practise.

And now when she tucks into an orange-centred egg for breakfast she says sweetly, ‘Thank you chickens.’

Ok, I am displaying slightly odd behaviour such as singing ‘Daisy, Daisy, Give me your answer do’ to them when there’s no-one around. Or shining a torch in the dark to check they are all safely tucked in bed, whilst wearing PJs and wellies. Or preparing freshly cooked spaghetti tossed with broad bean shells and a dressing of ground egg shell and garlic powder for their teatime treat.
But then what’s wrong with a little eggsentricity between friends!

* Oh and the breeder offered to take Feathers back. I asked if he would simply wring her neck and he said yes. Of course we kept her, and she is now one of our best layers :)

Open Letter to Collin Brewer


Dear Mr Collin Brewer

Sadly, since I wrote this letter Cllr Brewer has decided to stand again in the May Local Elections. Misguided and naiive to the public feeling against him that spans the world.


AN OPEN LETTER TO WADEBRIDGE COUNCILLOR MR COLLIN BREWER

Dear Mr Brewer

I appreciate that you are probably rather snowed under at the moment, a little shell shocked perhaps, reeling from the worldwide reaction to your foolish and hurtful error. But feel that a few minutes spent reading my letter might change your life as it now stands.

I have just returned from a gathering of beautiful child models, meeting together in an historic building for a photoshoot, all of them bursting with life. There were giggles and hugs and sulks, play fighting and tickling, far too many crisps were consumed, and it took a lot of persuasion to get some to play ball in front of the cameras. Each one had a personality that filled the room and each was quite the little diva.

But you see one of the smallest and arguably the most cheeky was our daughter Natty. And Natty has Down's Syndrome. As in fact do all the other children we met that day.


My motivation to change the way the world views this extra chromosome is personal, and that day we had gathered to celebrate the doors that our children are opening, the perceptions they are gently changing and the inspiration they are providing to new families and children with disabilities everywhere simply by being included in mainstream advertising.



 Natty is 6, an ambassador, a teacher and melts hearts wherever she goes. She puts back far more into society than she takes from it, as she entertains, laughs, sings, dances, jokes, brings people together, teaches tolerance and an understanding of difference. For EQ cannot be measured financially. She intuitively watches out for the emotional needs of her classmates, always there for the needy, the upset, the ones with the bumped knees. You see Colin, a person's worth can never be equated to pounds coins.

I'm sure she would make a beeline for you if she ever met you, for your buffoonery and lack of understanding of the world is as great a disability as any, even more tragic in one who should be old and wise enough to know better by now. She would feel sorry for what you are missing out on, as indeed I do, my hurt and anger aside. I too was ignorant about disability before Natty was born. I have since made up for that, and it is not too late for you to learn that inclusion is a two-way street. The only burden I'd rather not have on my shoulders is tackling the misinformed and comforting those upset by thoughtlessness such as yours.



I have oft come across those who are purposely hurtful and hateful, the Geoffery Clarks of the world, the trolls of life. But my motto is to ignore them, not put air in their lungs by fuelling their hatred, to simply shine light on their darkness.

But I do not for one second believe that you are one such individual Colin. Do you really want to euthanise the disabled? Of course not.

Did you let your Councillor’s hat slip and your true colours show? Yes, even if those true colours were just hot-headedness and a desire to provoke and hurt, and that will simply not do. As a former teacher I understand the importance of always acting responsibly in public and you did not.

Are you out of touch with social media? Yes. You never dreamed the stone would roll so far and pick up such hateful moss along the way, much of it exaggerated, out of context and frankly more worrying than your initial comments. The 'army' of people you have upset is far greater than the small collection of voters you represented. “Scores” doesn’t come close to covering it.

Did you do a lot of good in your career and were you well respected by the people of Wadebridge? Yes, and I have spoken to many of them personally, being a very local lady. I actually felt a little bit sorry for you as I watched the proceedings unfold, because you seemed a little naiive.

It’s time to remove your blinkers now and enjoy the jigsaw of life around you. To see what we can all learn from each other. I hope that other disability groups and parents will offer you an olive branch such as I am doing now.

I wish you a happy retirement, although my mind's eye envisages an embarrassed brood of grown up children and a wife who wishes you had kept your mouth shut. An inbox full of hatred and your name smeared across every paper. Bitterness fills the air.

It’s not too late to meet with us, or other disability groups, share a coffee and make amends properly.
I for one, thank you for doing the right thing and for stepping down.

We now need to channel our energies in proper disability training for all council staff, starting now.


Yours sincerely




Hayley Goleniowska
Author of Downs Side Up
Cornwall